8 invented religious teachings that may have some use

1. "Though you may find yourself smacked with the fear of aliens you should probably ingest something every day. Try food." Doug Nost, Church of lovely alien arrival
2. "Pushing your hands into crevices is cool! Curious is cool too! But putting your hands into the crevice of a burly man's ass is, perhaps, a little too curious." The Manky, Sloopy's lovin' temple
3. "Always try to make sure you are in a place with oxygen. Oxygen rocks!" Doug Nost, Church of lovely alien arrival
4. "When it's dark your eyes may not work quite as well as you're used to. Try sleeping." addendum to the 8 commandments of The temple of the absolutely fucking obvious
5. "Sometimes the sky will take on the colour of manky, rotting cat and it will bleed the clear blood of felines. Try wearing a coat." Josh Scramble, Universal Church of, like, really heavy shit
6. "When a man speaks unto you 'did you spill my fucking pint' you must say unto him 'No, that other guy did it', or yeah will be pasted to the wall like wallpaper." addendum to the 8 commandments of The temple of the absolutely fucking obvious
7. "When, like, riding your bike it would be cool not to fall off? But sometimes falling off is majorly happening, man. And since having skin is cool, maybe you should wear a protective blanket or something." Josh Scramble, Universal Church of, like, really heavy shit
8. "Don't hit me, I've a black belt in, uh, Takeshisomething. Ha." Me, Church of despair.

12/30/2000 03:56:02 AM