88 japlish translations of, unfortunately non-existent, Anime episode titles.

1. Alien enormity strangles poppies.
2. Alien masturbation device: cluck, cluck.
3. Alien fruit looming. Action: Scramble!
4. Arms into a box! Always through moving air.
5. Battalion series "cloaked in envy": "I want the space gun to fire my bullets!"
6. Battalion series "cloaked in envy": "That's my knife, Brian!"
7. Bright star living bloated.
8. Buttery dagger. Father!
9. Cake nice. Eat cake!
10. Carcinogen mouth attaches sandals.
11. Chocolate forest: Children misuse.
12. Chocolate forest: Dubious panty shot.
13. Chocolate forest: Legs of inappropriate sexuality.
14. Clamber trap ultra: pig police.
15. Closing soul, earth available female.
16. Detective environment green fingers.
17. Device that shoots, Z-rate: Cold fingers grip your scrotum. Screaming in essence bowl!
18. Doves in a pie: Never will you escape!
19. Elixiar of dangerous: Massive improvement of stamina. Explode heart!
20. Enlarged star hurt-person: Fritters away small fortune on slots.
21. Enlarged star hurt-person: Munches on the dried meat of pigs.
22. Every tire bloatman.
23. Flirty cop eats: The fat woman who's mother sold her to a baker.
24. Flirty cop eats: Pretty girls tartlets.
25. Flirty cop sponges: Cream of love from door of stable!
26. Flirty cop fails: Financially well endowed lady with dog.
27. Franky Holiday + total manlove!
28. Goliath Martians continue to seek "totalqueeny".
29. Goliath Martians start to experience "bloodbuster"
30. Goliath Martians stop eating discoloured snow after watching "pissfreaky".
31. Goliath Martians undergo "freakingoutbox".
32. Hold your plantation device Mimi! The solidified juice of grass approaches!
33. Hulk teenager hormone panoply.
34. Hyper dimension length overly.
35. Ignition factor spunky: "Fight on, doll-robot 12!"
36. Ignition factor spunky: "The lips may kiss, but the face is painted."
37. Ignition factor spunky: "Never close a hole where you've been steeply!"
38. Lightning attack "spurious logic" collaboration.
39. Lightstorm entry-force ensconcement.
40. Lovely Princess girl smiley: Jumble panty colours!
41. Lovely Princess girl smiley: Oh no! Outer garment absence embarrassment!
42. Lovely Princess girl smiley: To many male companions confusion!
43. Medieval torture faction: More bottles if don't talk, Miriam!
44. Motivation force extra!
45. Mountain boy with hairy sheep.
46. Ninja factory owner Carl: "Give me transmission or your face means 'excrement flavour'."
47. Ninja factory owner Carl: "Take myself out into the back gathering and require me niceness."
48. Ninja factory owner Carl: "Takeshi? I require your daughter."
49. Police girl garment X: Bandanna over flames.
50. Police girl garment X: Belt throwing excitement.
51. Police girl garment X: Sleeves caught in windmill.
52. Police girl garment X: Trouser escape.
53. Prurient gentleman intrudes: Bong, bong floaty mix-up.
54. Prurient gentleman intrudes: Genitalia door slam.
55. Prurient gentleman intrudes: Semen escapade.
56. Prurient gentleman intrudes: Voice sexy breathing.
57. Offal prodigy vol 1: Statues of pig hearts.
58. Offal prodigy vol 2: Big gun with horse insides.
59. Offal prodigy vol 4: Elephant brains make fine chairs.
60. Oblong samurai.
61. Oblong samurai 2: Never.
62. Rabid defloyment farce Typanoo: "I'm paradox! Knee tassels on fire!"
63. Rabid defloyment farce Typanoo: "Shit on my fingers! They're alight!"
64. Rabid defloyment farce Typanoo: "Shit, monkey throat!"
65. Savage space bumble tethers hostage.
66. Slot worrier transgresses penal code 124.
67. Space available-lady inferno: Street level shit.
68. Studio X: Porno clout licker.
69. Studio XX: Flickfest combat, " Hooray, Cowboy spunk!"
70. Studio horned: "Clothes do not matter Mary. We skip to fuck!"
71. Thrusting upwards daily everything: Hyper barons are not ever slagging.
72. Thrusting upwards daily everything: Horse knowledge leads to "foolish boy".
73. Total melting of outerbody. Flow on!
74. Trouble detective: Jack the Ripper.
75. Trouble detective: Myra Hindly.
76. Ultra birthday cops. Trouble!
77. Ultra nasal division: Sea Captain Voice.
78. Ultra cleaning birthday police.
79. Undergarment friction nativity.
80. Viking attack normality. Odin chases non-beards.
81. Voltage to arms increased! Massive flow of cake!
82. Widden the hose. Spread the dough.
83. Wipeout alien zeta force deluxe: Boring repetitive monster attack scavenges viewing persons.
84. Wipeout alien zeta force deluxe: Tedium causes viewing persons loss. Response, sexy!
85. X is my name! What your?
86. Youth attack barrage! Mankey sick!
87. Zebra perversion. With paint!
88. Zoe is vomiting! Watch with mother!

11/1/2000 10:06:45 PM

8 drums in a bear

1. The drum of nice.
2. The drum of tumpty.
3. The drum of quiver.
4. The drum of smack smack.
5. The drum of Ooooh.
6. The drum of rinse.
7. The drum of flapping.
8. The drum of ga ga.

11/1/2000 02:21:54 AM

8 songs and the activity that they are best suited to

1. Massive attack's : Karmacoma : is the best song to lie on the floor of an entirely dark room and completely restructure your personality to.
2. Placebo's : Nancy Boy : is the best song to wear pink metalflake contact lenses to.
3. Fat Boy Slim's : Right here, Right Now : is the best song to perform a dance routine in an American comedy club where you start off disguised as a dance tutor from Yorkshire (England) who has bronchitus and, 3 quarters of the way through, you throw off your disguise to reveal yourself dressed in a hugely sexy combination of rubber and PVC before dancing in so unbelievably sensual a manner that the entire audience simultanuously black out with need for your body as part of a documentry about the perils of judging someone by their appearence to.
4. The Smashing Pumpkins's : Today : is the best song to "coax your genitalia" into a special jug, where you keep your "fluid" for the fateful day when you have enough of it to coat an entire ice cream van with, to.
5. Gomez's : Make no sound : is the best song to fake sincerity to.
6. Queen's : Sheer heart attack : is the best song to enjoy peoples confusion too by playing it in a punk club without revealing the artiste until the end to.
7. Faith No More's : Middlife Crisis : is the best song to annoy feminists to.
8. Underworld's : Bruce Lee : is the best song to perform modern dance while filming yourself for a ground breaking documentry too.

10/29/2000 06:28:01 AM

8 ways to differentiate joy from despair

1. When you cry with joy the tears run up your forehead. With despair then run down your tearducts into your lungs.
2. Joy is that feeling when something good has happened that you wanted to happen. Despair feels more like you've had bits of your brain torn out and replaced with a gigantic angry wasp. You can't feel the pain of the wasp stinging but you know it's there because of the buzzing and fluttering of wings inside your head.
3. Despair makes dogs lick your face. Joy compels them to lick your crotch.
4. Joy has three letters, whereas despair has seven. Simply write down what you're feeling and count the letters.
5. Joyful people are known for there warm skin and terracota coloured clothes. Despairing people are clammy and wear clothing made out of ravens.
6. Try singing a pretty song. If it comes out all joyful then you're feeling joy! Despair plays a different tune.
7. Take drugs. If your mood changes then you probably felt something before that you're not feeling now. All you have to do is work out what.
8. Joy is so rare in the world that you might as well assume that your feeling despair.

10/29/2000 06:27:29 AM